After we rested and shared warm, languid kisses, I got dressed and headed home, figuring it wasn’t good for the kids to wake up and find me there. Jake walked me to my car in just his flannel pajama pants and bare feet, despite the cold. I clung to the heat of his bare chest while he kissed me goodbye, his hand once again tangled in my hair. I drove home in a moony haze, his scent on my body bringing back flashes of the night’s pleasure.
But after I got home and showered, I discovered a kernel of anxiety in my chest that I couldn’t quite shake. I felt it growing larger as I prepared for bed, and I ran over the possible causes in my mind.
There was no impending event this week that wasn’t meticulously planned, and I actually felt pretty good about where I sat with my dad. Tracing back to when I last felt completely at ease, I realized the anxious feeling began with Olivia’s phone call, inviting me to her concert.
Surely that wasn’t the issue; I loved Olivia, and Ethan. They were great kids, and I was flattered she wanted me to come. The whole evening had been a delightful surprise, even meeting Jake’s parents. They were a sweet couple, obviously fond of their son and grandkids, and loving toward each other. So what could be the source of my anxiety?
Then realization hit me like a hammer: it was them, all of them. The whole scenario, where I’d suddenly become a surrogate mom to kids I barely knew.
As much as I liked Jake and adored his kids, there was no way I was ready to take on an entire family. I still had a lot of things to check off my list! And I promised Mom I would never set aside my plans for a man… I practically swore it on her deathbed. You don’t just ignore a promise like that.
I moved to the kitchen, fishing a bottle of rosé from the fridge and pouring myself a glass. Realizing what I was stressed about had the opposite effect from normal; now, instead of easing my anxiety, it was adding to it. Adrenaline surged through my body and I couldn’t stand still, pacing back and forth in my gleaming modern kitchen. I tried to slow my heart down, deep breaths interspersed with shaky sips of wine. Sweat pooled under my arms,
It’s fine. I’m stressing myself out over nothing. Jake can’t possibly expect me to plop into his life and take over the role of mother. He knows how important running Aspen Ridge is to me, and we aren’t even technically a thing yet. I’m psyching myself out.
I refilled my glass and returned to my seat on the sofa, heart gradually slowing.
Of course Jake wasn’t expecting anything. He was very clear, even with Olivia, that he had no expectations. We could definitely take this slow. There was no need for rushing things. We weren’t even dating, officially, for crying out loud. At the very least, we needed to keep it cool until he was moved over to Jame’s supervision, and then we could see where things went. I had plenty of time before any sort of clock started ticking.
Besides, I still wasn’t sure I even wanted kids of my own. I loved being an auntie to every child I met, but my first focus had always been Aspen Ridge… I always figured the rest would come later, or not. But the employees always needed me, and the town. That was more than enough for any one person to take care of. If I wasn’t sure I wanted kids of my own, what did that mean for step kids?
Jake had to know how important it was to show Dad I was focused on the business. He already thought I was flaky and getting tangled up with a guy with two kids was especially messy. It wasn’t as if I could run off for PTA meetings in the middle of the day, or choir practice.
Jesus, why was my brain traveling so far down this road?
We. Aren’t. Even. Dating.
Perhaps the best plan was to cool things off with Jake, just a little, so I didn’t feel so much pressure. Focus on the business, on meeting Dad’s expectations, keep having fun with Jake, but keep it light. Surely Jake would understand.
Except I had no idea how to do that.
*
“Izzy, don’t forget that you have the Rocky Mountain Boys and Girls’ Club Gala tonight.” Dad popped his head into my office. He was clearly on his way out the door, and from the looks of it, heading for the golf club.
“Wait, what do you mean ‘I’ have the gala? I thought we were going together?”
“Eh, something came up.” I didn’t miss the way his blue eyes shifted guiltily. “Besides, this is more of a young people thing, anyway. And you should get used to attending these things on your own. It’s your opportunity to appear as the head of Aspen Ridge.”
“I’m not, really, you know that. There’re several ‘heads’, including James, Dad.”
“Yes, well, Mountain Ops just doesn’t present as well as Lodging, honey. Everyone knows where the money is made in this business, and it’s on feeding and housing our guests.”
“But the mountain is the reason we have guests in the first place,” I argued back. “If anything, James should attend with me. And Robert. Is he going?”
“Robert and I have an important meeting with a member of the board. He’s got a potential investor that he wants to bring in, so we’re going to hear him out.”
“You mean you’re going golfing with your cronies.”
“Don’t act so offended, Izzy. You do things your way, I do them mine. It’s worked for my entire career. I hardly see the point in changing now.”
“Yeah, well, I don’t recall you blowing off big, newsworthy events for the golf club a decade ago.”
A huge grin spread across his face. “That, my darling, is the benefit of having such an able-bodied Assistant CEO. You go, have fun, enjoy the party in the gymnasium or whatever. Take a friend! I’ll see you tomorrow. Let me know how the food is!” He tapped twice on my doorframe and departed, whistling on his way out.
Great. Not only an event I had to get dressed up for, which I really didn’t feel like after a long week of work, but now I had to attend alone.
For the drive home and the entire time I spent getting ready, I debated calling Jake. We’d paid for two plates, and I knew Jake had a suit or two at the ready. He could probably take Ethan and Olivia to Malcom and Violet’s, and escort me to this party.
But even though it seemed like something a dating couple should do, I couldn’t bring myself to make the call. For one, it would definitely bring our little tryst to light. I could probably explain it away to Dad, since he told me to take a friend, but how would it look to other people?
More importantly, how would it look to Jake? I knew without a doubt if I asked him, he would go as long as it was within his power. There was never a doubt in my mind about that. But would he enjoy it, or would he be uncomfortable the entire time?
The more I thought about it, the more my resolve hardened. I didn’t need to bring him into this. It was too soon. He had so much going on in his life, and I didn’t want to throw him to the wolves.
Especially considering that I knew who our tablemates would be.
I drove to the venue in my UGGs. Dad wasn’t wrong. The event was in the community center, and while they usually decorated it beautifully, there was no need to be uncomfortable for the drive. I liked to dress up as much as the next girl, but there was a time-limit to how long one could wear elegant heels.
Almost as if he was watching for me, Zach materialized out of thin air when I slammed the door shut and headed for the entrance. “Hi, Ellie. You look gorgeous, as always.”
A pleased flush spread across my cheeks, and I leaned into his hug. “You too, Zach. Nice tux.”
“What, this old thing?” He joked, then offered me his arm. “May I escort you inside?”
I accepted, then glanced around curiously. “Where are your parents?”
He rolled his eyes. “Key West, if you believe it. They claimed they forgot about the gala and double-booked themselves. I think my dad just did it to get out of buying the crafts from the auction.”
A tiny part of me wondered if this was a scheme between him and my father, but I kept that suspicion to myself. “That’s right, didn’t your mom buy like half of the kids’ art last year? What did she do with all of it?”
“I have no idea, but I’ve never seen it around the house,” he snorted. “It wouldn’t surprise me if it went straight into the dumpster.”
“You’re kidding right? She wouldn’t do that. Those kids were super proud of their artwork.”
“Yeah, my mom wouldn’t, but my dad sure would. And you know what she’s like, out of sight, out of mind. Dad figures he did his part by making the donation. That doesn’t mean he has to keep it. Once we own it, it’s ours to do what we like.”
“I suppose. I still feel bad for the kids, though.”
He shrugged. “All that matters is that they raise money for the program. You don’t really come here because you enjoy dressing up and having weak cocktails in an old gymnasium, do you?”
“True, but still. She could have let other people win the bid if she didn’t actually want it.”
“Ah, but you forget the most important part: my mom loves winning.”
“Fair enough.” We passed through the entrance, posing for a few photos on the short red carpet they’d rolled out in the hallway. It was a strange juxtaposition, how they had this incredibly glitzy event but hosted it in the aged community center. I’d attended a few of these. I knew the point was for those of us with the money to see how it helped the community. Every year they talked about the new improvements they made to the facility, and trooped in groups of kids for a talent show-style performance. A long table displayed artwork made by the kids, and a silent auction ran all night. They announced winners at the end. My dad typically picked one item to make a single generous bid on, then stuck the item on a shelf in his office until he replaced it with one from the following year.
Struck with inspiration, I dragged Zach to the auction table. “Come on, let’s find my dad’s new art piece.”
“Are you serious?”
“Yeah, it’s for charity, and he always bids on something. Just because he bailed, that doesn’t mean the kids shouldn’t get the money. He usually throws ten grand down on some random thing, so let’s pick one for him. His fault for not being here to pick it himself.”
Zach chuckled, but he was game. We walked the length of the table and he wrote a few modest bids on behalf of his mom. Finally, I found the winner.
“This is the one,” I announced, grinning maniacally at Zach.
He eyed the sculpture dubiously. “Are you sure? I mean, there are some really interesting works of art here.”
“Oh, yes, most definitely. I think it’s a great conversation starter, wouldn’t you agree? Dad loves when people ask him about his pieces.”
“I mean, it’s interesting. I’ll give you that. But I’m not sure what a blue, headless barbie on skis, holding a giant golf ball, really says in terms of an artistic commentary.”
“Maybe she’s a modern take on the headless horseman?” I shrugged, writing ‘JJ Tremont - $10,000’ on the first bid line. “Or perhaps she’s some kind of yeti, protesting the development of golf courses in the mountains?”
“Maybe she’s the ghost of the ski resort, coming in to usher a new age of winter golf?” Zach suggested.
We amused ourselves with increasingly weird suggestions as we made our way to our table. Naturally, since the other seats were reserved for the parents who had ditched us, that left only Zach and me to claim our seats.
The party got underway, and time never seemed to drag. Zach and I settled back into the same comfortable banter we always had: lighthearted jokes about the ski business and tourism, ripping on our parents and their old-fashioned mentality, comparing ideas for the future of snow tourism. It reminded me just how much history I had with Zach, and drew a stark comparison to Jake, who—try as I might—I just couldn’t picture navigating the same scenario with similar ease. Sure, he’d look good in a tux, and I had no doubts he’d be a perfect gentleman, but would he really enjoy it? Would he feel out of his depths among the glitterati of the ski world?
My thoughts swept back to his reaction upon seeing photos of Zach and me at the golf tournament, and a nugget of guilt lodged in my stomach. I knew the answer to my own question. He definitely wouldn’t be as comfortable here as Zach was. We’d grown up with these events, the expectation to show up, give to the community, represent our brands to remind people how much good we brought in with our businesses. This was normal for us, in a way it could never be normal for Jake.
Even so, some part of me knew I’d rather Jake was here with me than Zach. Zach was comfortable in this setting, but I hadn’t forgotten his plan to wipe Aspen Ridge off the map and replace it with Snowshoe 2.0.
So as familiar as this was, there was no mistaking my thoughts on it; whatever happened with Jake, Zach would never be the answer.
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