I spent most of the day sulking around the house, knowing eventually I had to go to my parents for dinner and pick up Olivia and Ethan. The good thing about me being home, alone and upset, is that I couldn’t sit still. I cleaned and organized the entire house before I left, which included ironing things that had no business being ironed.
I refused to examine how pathetic that was, and focused on how smart Ethan would look at school with all of his tiny t-shirts and jeans neatly pressed.
When I could put it off no longer, I made the short drive to my parents. As always, I was greeted with the homey smells of a meal cooking, and the joyful noise of my kids playing. It still amazed me how much this was a departure from a couple months ago—I hoped I’d never get used to it. Mom had them in the living room playing Jenga, and they taunted each other mercilessly.
Mom watched them with an affectionate gaze. “Your father is in the garage, Jake. He was working on that old bike out there. Maybe he could use a hand.”
Taking the hint, I turned and passed through the kitchen for the garage. Dad was muttering to himself as I walked in; he had an old motorcycle that he hadn’t driven since I was in school, and he was up to his elbows in grease. I figured the potential for mess, let alone unexpected expletives, was probably why Ethan was inside instead of out here helping. I cleared my throat loudly, so he’d know I was here.
Dad glanced up at me with a crinkly-eyed smile. “Jake, glad to see you. Hand me that wrench over there, would you?”
“Sure thing, Dad.” I passed him the requested tool and crouched down beside him. He slid under the bike where it rested on wooden blocks. “How’s it going?”
“Oh, about as well as you’d expect. I’ll never get this fool thing to work. I should just take it to the dump.”
“I’ve heard that before.”
“I mean it this time. I think I’m through. I can’t figure out what’s wrong with it. I swear I’ve tried everything.”
“I have faith in you. You can do it.”
“Hmph.”
We stayed in a comfortable silence for a few minutes, my dad cranking at some bolt he couldn’t get loose. I waited, but he didn’t ask for my help, so I didn’t offer it.
“The kids talked about Ellie a lot today,” he commented eventually.
I stiffened automatically. “Yeah, Olivia saw some pictures of her yesterday from a gala on Friday.”
“Oh yeah? Did you go?”
“No.” My voice was surly, despite my best attempt at neutrality.
“Why not?”
“Because she didn’t ask me, Dad.”
“I see. Did she go with someone else?”
“Well, if she’s to be believed, she went alone. But her ex just happened to be there.”
“Ahhh. That explains it.”
“Explains what?”
“Explains why you look like a kicked puppy right now.” He peered up at me from beneath his bike. “You two okay?”
“Not exactly,” I admitted. “We broke up. Well, sort of. I guess we weren’t technically a thing yet, so I can’t really say we broke up. But we’re not seeing each other anymore.”
“And that was her idea, I take it.”
“No, it was mine.”
“Because of this other guy?”
“Partially.”
“But you said she didn’t go to the gala with him. He was just there.”
“Right.”
“So, what are you upset about?”
I sighed. “Because Aspen Ridge is her priority, not me or the kids. And I don’t want to have them get more attached to her, only for her to walk away when she decides it’s too much commitment.”
“Ah. So she said she didn’t want a commitment, then.”
“No, she didn’t say that, exactly. She said that the resort was her priority and I should understand that. But she runs off and goes to these things and doesn’t tell me. And then the next day I see photos of her at some event I didn’t know about with her ex, and everyone is calling them a couple.”
“So she hurt your feelings because she didn’t tell you. That’s understandable.”
Irritation crackled along my jaw. “It’s not that it hurt my feelings. That makes me sound like a little kid in the schoolyard, Dad. It’s more complicated than that. But if her priority is always going to be the resort, that means the kids and I will always come second, and I want more for them.”
“Is that what she said, that the resort would always come first?”
“No, but she said that’s how it is now, and she hasn’t said anything to make me assume that’s going to change. When she takes over as CEO, her responsibilities will only grow. If she can’t find time in her life for us now, that’s not going to get better.”
There was a long pause as he finally worked the bolt free, then he sat up, wiping his blackened fingers on a rag. Finally, he lifted his gaze to mine. “It’s funny you say that, son. I seem to remember that girl dropping everything and running to meet us for dinner and Olivia’s choir concert. With no forewarning, just on a whim and a phone call.”
Discomfort squirmed in my belly. “Well, yeah, she did. But that was once, and this was the second time she had some event that she went to, where her dad was trying to set her back up with her ex. You even told me that JJ has opinions about who his daughter dates. Clearly, he wants her to be with this Zach guy. And since when are you on her side?”
“Of course I’m on your side, Jake. I want you to be happy. And maybe JJ just thinks Zach makes her happy. But the real question is, does Ellie want to be with Zach?”
“She said she didn’t, but she sure looked happy with him in those photos from Friday.”
My dad sighed heavily. “Son, the first thing I learned from your mother was to listen to what she said, not make my own conclusions from what I saw. If Ellie said she didn’t want to date Zach, why aren’t you listening to her?”
That took me aback. “Well, she also said she has to prioritize Aspen Ridge. So where does that leave us?”
“Call me crazy, but did you ever consider that you could prioritize her for a while? Instead of the other way around?”
The shock waves kept on coming. “What do you mean?”
“Son, you grew up in a military family. When you had your own family, you had the same expectations: you wanted a wife who was at home, taking care of the kids, while you served your country. There’s nothing wrong with that, except that you chose a woman who wanted more. I wish Cheryl the best, but I know you didn’t hear her when she said she was unhappy. You just assumed she’d get over it. You gave her no choice but to leave.”
Guilt swam in my chest. “I know. I’ve thought about that a lot. I’m just as responsible for our marriage ending as she is. I understand that.”
“So, you should understand not to make the same mistake twice.”
“I am! I cut it off with Ellie because I don’t think she wants that role, either. What else am I supposed to do?”
Dad shook his head and chuckled. “How can you get all the math right and still end up with the wrong answer?”
“You lost me.”
“What if the solution isn’t that Ellie is wrong for you? What if the solution is that you’re the one who needs to change, not her?”
A snort pushed its way out of my nose. “I can’t exactly get rid of my kids to make her life easier, Dad.”
“I’m not talking about Ethan and Olivia, Jake. I’m talking about you.”
“So what exactly do I need to change, in your opinion?” I tried to keep the sarcasm out of my tone, out of respect for my dad.
“You’re not in the military anymore, son. You’re not beholden to Uncle Sam for how you spend your days. Did you ever consider offering to be the support that Ellie needs as she takes over her family business? You work a nine-to-five now, a cushy job with benefits, weekends off, holidays, and time for your kids. What if you stopped expecting Ellie to fit herself into your life and tried to make your life fit hers better?”
“I want to support her, Dad, but I also have responsibilities to my kids. I will not put them last. Besides, she didn’t invite me to attend those things. She said her dad canceled on her last minute and she didn’t want to ask me because of Ethan and Olivia.”
“Well then, it sounds like you need to let her know that you’re willing to step in when she needs you. If she’s afraid to disrupt your schedule, it means she doesn’t feel comfortable asking. So you should offer. Your mother and I are always here to help if something comes up.” I deeply resented how reasonable he made all of this sound.
“I know that, I just…” I threw my hands up, unsure of how to voice what I was feeling.
“It’s scary, son, I get it. Listen, when I retired, you’d better believe that your mother and I had several pleasant talks. She let me know in no uncertain terms that she’d lived by the expectations of my career, and now that it was ending, she expected things to change. She wanted me to take on more of the household duties, free her up to enjoy more of her retirement, too. I admit, I always imagined her life was so easy, hanging around at home, throwing in an occasional load of laundry and gossiping with her friends at the commissary. I didn’t realize that she had served just as hard, and as long, as I had. She kept everything running at the house and I always came home to a hot meal. Retirement was for us both, not just me. I had to switch my mentality, and we had to find a new rhythm that suited both of us.
“I’m sorry Cheryl wasn’t able to manage that change with you. I know how she walked away is why you’re scared to give Ellie a chance, and I know I’ve commented about them being similar.
“But them being similar isn’t the problem. The problem is you having the same expectations in a wildly different scenario. If you don’t care that much about Ellie, if letting her go is no skin off your back, then maybe it’s for the best. But if it’s gutting you, eating at you from the inside out, then perhaps it’s time to figure out what you can do, on your end, to make it work for her.”
My mom’s voice calling from the kitchen interrupted us. “Dinner’s ready!”
“I’d better get in and see if your mother needs any help.” He winked, then reached a hand out. I stood and pulled him to his feet. But before we left the garage, he regarded me seriously. “It’s all about balance, son. There is no right way to have a relationship, every one is different. And not everything has to be done the same way we did it in the past. Perhaps that is the real lesson you need to learn here.”
Long after I was home, and the kids were in bed, my mind continued churning over my dad’s words. It was hard not to see the similarities in Ellie’s position with her father and the business, and her position with me.
Both of us were trying to tell her things had to be done in the way we wanted, and she was pushing back against us both, wanting to do it her own way.
Of course, my dad was right. Why would I pick a woman like Ellie, admire her for all her strength and courage, her ideas and motivation, and then tell her she wasn’t good enough because she wouldn’t give that all up for me?
Ellie hadn’t asked me to give anything up, she’d just asked me to be patient and work through the problems we’d face together. She asked me to understand when things came up, to trust what she said.
And I’d told her to hit the road.
The more I thought about it, the sicker I felt. My dad was a hundred percent right: I was taking a perfectly wonderful opportunity to start over with a whole new life, a brand new outlook, a new trajectory, and I was still stuck in my rigid set of expectations. Everything had changed, except for me.
I was the problem, not Ellie.
It took far less time to come up with a plan than it had for me to understand the problem.
My decision made, I laid down and focused on getting some sleep. In a few short hours, I would lay it all out there. Ellie might accept, or she might not.
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